"All There Is" ic copyright © 1996 by Ree Moorhead Pruehs and is reprinted her with permission.

ALL THERE IS

TWR 430 -- Zareth's Chambers

    "Is that all there is?"
    Nalkor -- who was hung-over, cranky and couldn't quite figure what had diedin his mouth -- opened one eye and scowled at his bed partner, who waslooking down at him with a vaguely expectant expression on her pretty round face. He had only a few fuzzy memories about Xylene's party the night before. Maybe that was just as well, since he wasn't sure he wanted to remember how he'd happened to land in bed with Zareth. "Er...you're the first one who's ever complained."
    "Hm?" Zareth blinked. Then she carolled, "Oh no no no! You were incredible last night, sweet thing!" patting the appropriate part of Nalkor with an inappropriate heavy-handed enthusiasm (the sheet lying across his lap afforded only dubious protection). "No, you don't understand, it's just that parties are wonderful...especially when they end up like this...but just too much the same sometimes,e tot?"
    "Hah who?"
    "Oh, that's humanspeak, I picked it up from Kesik, it means 'in all'."
    "Then why don't you just say--"
    "--the same old thing? Well, don't you see, flitterbee, that's entirely what the problem is." Zareth entirely preferred having discussions in bed if they had to be held anywhere at all; it was so much easier and nicer talking things over when everyone was comfortable. "It's just that everything I do runstogether after a while. What I want to know is, is that all thereis? You know, one big...well, you know, one big everything, blurring together all the time?" She prostrated herself dramatically across the bed. "What's there to make life worth living?"
    Nalkor stared at her for some heartbeats. Maybe some people, like Zareth, found life nothing more than an unending whirl of parties and whoopee, but the Declared had other duties, and the hawkriding Declared in particular... Hawkriding. Oh...he had wide patrol starting today, didn't he?
    That realization was the first good thing that had happened since this morning -- the perfect excuse to leave. "Work," he said thickly, trying to restrain himself from lunging too enthusiastically off the side of the bed. "Got work to do. Good hard work...see to my hawk. 'Scuse me." Maybe, if he were really lucky, Reevirah would have some of her famous hangover cure on hand. With a grace belying his condition he scooped up his discarded clothing and glided swiftly out the door.
    Zareth stared after him. While most of her attention was focused towards appreciation of the nude muscular male body disappearing into the shadows, a corner of her mind pondered Nalkor's words...
    "Work?" she said aloud.
 

TWR 449 -- Sharai's Chambers

    "So that was why you spent the year helping Dantum in the kitchen?" Sharai sighed. "Mmm. I'll give you a couple of seasons atleast to stop doing that...oh. Mmm. Lower, please, yes, there...aah."
    "Well, I thought about working in the eyries, but it's just so...I don't know...nasty. And Shadaln wouldn't let me even try some of the other things I was thinking about doing. Said she couldn't have elves 'participating in common labor'; something about humans and morale--"
    "Mraal?"
    "No. Morale. You know, like attitude.Though I don't know what that has to do with anything. Anyway, so I didn't have any choice, really, but to ask Dantum. But I didn't expect it was going to be..." Zareth paused. "...oh I don't know, so much work."
    "Well, what did you think it was going to be? A nonstop orgy?"
    "It was supposed to be an adventure," the rockshaper replied with injured dignity. "But Dantum's just impossible to please. And the way his brother looked at me, like he didn't think I was worth anything either..."
    "Oh, don't worry about Gidd."
    "Well, that's easy for you to say, you weren't there and he wasn't scowling at you. So I finally decided I'd had enough and told Dantum to go stuff a big fat yardbird up his--"
    Sharai snickered. "So I heard."
    "Well, I was sorry about saying it, afterwardsI mean, at the time I meant every word, and even though I did make it up to him later and we're friends again --I think-- Dantum says I'm not ever to set foot in his kitchen again. Which is perfectly all right by me. And it makes such a difference how you look at things, parties and all that, after the experience of being part of the work force. I mean I'm so glad I stopped eating meat all those years ago and I'll never see a tubefruit again without thinking I ought to be carving it up to look like a flower... But that's neither here nor there and it really has been wonderful being back and all. Um. Well. At least...I mean...it was wonderful at first, but now everything's all started to run together again, and I was thinking it over, I still don't know..."
    "Mm? Oh no. No. Don't stop, you tease. Don't know what?"
    "Well...you know...I said. Is that all there is? Or what?"
    There was a long silence. Finally Sharai rose up on one elbow. "Zareth, when was the last time you were really creative? I mean... Ohh. No. I didn't mean... Not that sort of creativity, you brat, I...Oh."
 

TWR 625 -- Zareth's Chambers

    "So what made you decide to redo the main garden?"
    "Well, I don't know. It really was lovely when Mother originally did it, but I'd been thinking that it was looking awfully dated, you know? And Mother would never have gone for that."
    Zareth's companion nodded, thinking that the last thing Nyessti could ever have been accused of (in life rather than Functionality) would have been either her or her work appearing passe. Which was probably where Zareth got her own sense of unconventionality.
    "And after Sharai said 'creativity' I thought... Well, I wanted some big project to work on, not some piddly horrid little thing. So I talked to Lord Tyaar and asked if it would be all right and he really was most supportive and even got some humans to bring in some new kinds of stone from Outside, some really fascinatingnew colors and textures, so I could work it into the...oh. How silly of me. Of course you already know about all that."
    "Well, yes," Shadaln said, looking a little surprised. There were few things going on around Tower Mountain that the seneschal didn't know about, particularly if the Mraal were involved. "I arranged it."
    "Well, yes, of course you did, and it really was alot of fun and all, and so very interesting, and I only had a tiny little bit of detail work to do here and there but then Xylene..."
    Heedless of the sudden tightening of Shadaln's mouth, Zareth took a deep breath and plunged on. "Well, you know, I had to change around that entire section of the garden after that and modify other parts as well, she might have been courteous enough to give me somewarning that she was going to go Functional, she knew I was restyling the garden and really her presence upset the entire balance of the form--"
    "I'm not surprised she didn't tell you." The seneschal's voice was unnaturally quiet and controlled. "She didn't tell anyone. Not even her lifemate."
    Zareth's hand flew to her mouth. "Oh! How awfullyrude of me, pouring out all my little problems and not even considering how close you are to Kesik..."
    She did, however, find a way to apologize, and Shadaln occupied herself in like fashion returning the apology; so it was some time before Zareth spoke again with a demeanor now considerably mellowed. "Well, I did do a framework behind Xylene's chair before I finished the garden...did you see? Made it ever so much prettier, more--I don't know, decorative--and then Iys came up with the idea of putting the vines on the back of her chair and letting her hair curl around, soclever..." Her face fell. "But now it's all done, it's all been done for absolute ages, and nothing's really changed. What do you think? Isn't there more than just... Well, you know, the same old parties over and over?"
    "Well, of course there is," Shadaln said absently. "There's duty."
 

TWR 626 -- Mindar's chambers

    "Discipline," said Mindar. "That's what you need."
    Zareth made a face. "No thanks. I'm not really into that. Not that I haven't tried it," she added hastily. "But Beliel hits so hard, and he likes to use a--"
    "Not that sort of discipline! Corrosion, Zareth, don't you ever think about anything besides sex?"
    She ran a hand over his bare chest and batted her eyelashes at him coquettishly. "Well, you didn't mind a little while ago."
    "Don't change the subject! You're so cursed flighty, no wonder you had that blowup with Shadaln!"
    She pouted. "I was only trying to help."
    "Right."
    "Well, she said Kesik could use a hand every so often with the new servants, showing them around, helping them find where they're going. And it wasn'texactly my fault that all those towels got dropped down the garderobe--"
    "Or that they had to fish the servant out too?" Mindar demanded.
    "I said she was supposed to store the towels in the closet, that the doorway was a hand and two down the hall, turn left and--"
    "And forgot that humans have five fingers."
    "Well--"
    "Discipline," Mindar said firmly. "You want something new? You got it. Report to me at the gym. Tomorrow. At sunrise. And every sunrise afterward till I say otherwise."
 

TWR 678 -- Peysol's chambers

    "Shin splints," Peysol prompted.
    "I wasgetting to that. Well, all those workouts were fun in a perverse sort of way, and the extra workouts were--"
    "Extra?"
    "Well...you know. We were lovemates and--"
    "Mm." The expression on Peysol's face indicated he understood his younger brother's proclivities perfectly.
    "I see. Go ahead."
    "Then I started having all these problems with my shins when I did too much running on the Stair. I'd go to Tyaar, and after that happened a few times he'd just shake his head and give me this sort of infinitely-patient 'really-you-are-an-idiot' look while he was healing me, and all Mindar ould say was that it was obvious I wasn'tworkinghard enough! I wasn't concentrating hard enough, he said, the body and the mind together could overcome any obstacle, and then he knocked me on my ass once too often and said that proved I wasn't trying, and I said, 'I'm not, huh? Trythis!' And I sank him hip-deep in the gymnasium floor."
    The costumer winced.
    "Which ended your lessons."
    "And the lovemating."
    "So you've returned to the 'infinite whirl of parties'."
    "Well...yeah. What else is there to do?"
    Peysol shrugged. "You might talk to Mikail."
    "Talk to... Hawkpellets! Why? I've been in the dance troupe. For...I don't know...a long time. You know that!"
    "Yes," Peysol replied. "I know that." He paused. "Ever think about becoming a soloist?"
 

TWR 887 -- Zareth's Chambers

    "Well, he never said it was going to be easy."
    "I'm sure it wasn't," Zareth's companion replied. "Not my idea of a good time. Wouldn't have thought it was yours either."
    "What?"
    "How'd you say Mikail puts it? 'Build your whole life around dedication, and practicepracticepractice'. Blech. Here. Try this sort of dedication. Much more soothing."
    "No. Really itwas fun...for a while." Zareth accepted the tiny goblet of spice-laced wine, drank, passed it back for refilling. "Then I finally got to dance Isilien in public. In the Recognition Dance, last midwinter. And it really was wonderful... Such a high, you wouldn't believe."
    "Better than this?" Beliel inquired with a mischievous flicker of an eyebrow. He dribbled some of the wine on Zareth's ear and shoulder, experimentally, and leaned over lazily to lick the scarlet drops from her pale skin.
    "Mmm... No. Yes. No, I can't compare one to the other, really I can't... Oh."
    "Then you quit the troupe. Shall I quit doing this?"
    "No. Oh..." A little while later she said, "After I'd done that, danced 'silien I mean, there wasn't anything elseI wanted to do." Pause. "And there's all sorts of things I want youto...ohh." Another pause, far longer. "Besides, that's not why I quit the troupe. I was getting bored with that whole 'dedication' thing. But I don't understand why."
    "Mm?"
    She tugged on his long spicebark tail of hair. "No, stop that and listen to me, this is important. How come I'm always going around doing things and getting bored with them? Why can't I find something I'mhappy doing, like everyone else seems to? I mean... Is thisall I've got to look forward to? Is that all there is? Total boredom? For as long as... Well...however long there is?"
    Beliel scratched his head. "I don't know what to tell you." He brightened. "Maybe you should ask Tyaar."
    "Huh?" Zareth stared at him. "Oh, no. No. I couldn'tbother Lord Tyaar with... It's such a shilly...silly...problem. And it's my problem, besides, and I couldn't possibly--"
    The tall rockshaper, Lord Tyaar's second in command, grinned at her. "Don't worry. I'll set it up for you. I'll take care of everything. All you'll have to tell him is what you told me."
 

TWR 888 -- Tyaar's chambers

    "...and 'creativity' was all right for a while but it wasn't really enough, and Shadaln thinks life isn'tanythingwithout duty, and Mindar says 'discipline' is all there is, and Mikail tells me it's 'dedication'... And I've tried themall and I just don't... None of them really work for me, not like it seems to for them." Zareth settled her head more comfortably on Tyaar's shoulder. "And then I talked to Beliel andhe said I should talk to you, and it's taken me this long to get up the nerve to do it, because I wasn't sure if I should bother you with such a silly problem but then I ran into Beliel yesterday and he asked me again if--"
    "As he was perfectly correct to do, knowing well my feelings on these matters."
    "I don't understand."
    "The problems of my people are my problems as well. That is part of the responsibility of a leader." He paused. "Your difficulty, Zareth, is that you are too close to the...'problem', as you put it...to realize that the solution is obvious."
    "You mean it?"
    "My dear child--"
    "There really is something more to life than--" Zareth stared at him eagerly. "What? What is it? Tell me!"
    "I can do far better than that," Tyaar murmured, drawing her into a sitting position beside him. Their joined hands rested upon the stone framework of the bed; he tilted up her chin and smiled down into her eyes. **Let me show you.**
    "Oh!" Zareth murmured as she fell into the void of the Tower Lord's Talent. How simple! Howelegant...
    And the rock was all there was.

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