"Tomorrow And Me" is © 1997 by Kathy R. Coleman and
is printed here with permission.
TOMORROW AND ME
by Kathy R. Coleman
Tower year -1999
"I'll go with the next load," Fiellys said, pushing
her lifemate onto the raft with his friend Tanyel. "You two go on with
what you were talking about."
"Yeah, come on, Nose, I can't wait to get it through your
thick head that I'm right," said Tanyel, reaching back to drag Nez on board
the crowded raft. Nez laughed and bent to kiss Fiellys' cheek.
"See you on the other side, Beloved," he said, taking
his gitar from her and hooking his thumb through the strap of the small
pack he carried. He followed Tanyel and picked up the thread of their conversation
as the raft began to lurch across the wide, rolling river.
Nez broke off the discussion with Tanyel as they
reached the center of the river and looked down the vast expanse of water.
What a magnificent river this was! Majestic and awesome in its grim, muddy
silence, its movement was endless, yet it made no sound, unlike the ocean
they had left behind. Nez stood making mental notes of all of it, the high
banks and the muddy water, the occasional flip of some enormous fish as
it touched the surface, the singular purpose of movement the river had.
Nez shifted his weight impatiently, watching the shore
come closer. "I wonder if we couldn't find a place to settle near this
river, Tan," he said, putting a hand on his friend's shoulder and raising
himself up on his toes. "A bunch like us could make a good life off of
it."
Tanyel brushed Nez off, shrugging. "I suppose. I think
everyone's looking for something to fit an Ideal, though. It's going to
take a little more traveling before they realize there's nothing going
to be perfect."
Nez nodded regretfully. He liked the feel of the river,
as it reminded him of the ocean he'd known all his life. "I'm glad Auiriath
came back," he said then, looking at his adopted father. Auiriath steered
the raft to the shore, grounding them and holding the raft steady while
everyone disembarked, then turned the raft around and headed back to the
opposite shore to get everyone else. "He'll certainly opt for staying here."
When they'd left the ocean, Auiriath had stubbornly remained -- his life
had always been connected with the sea. But he'd come back to his two lifemates
and their seven children.
"Well, he would," said Tanyel in a grumpy voice, sitting
down to tug off one of his boots. He turned it over and shook out a couple
of pebbles. "I'd like to try and find something a little more civilized,
myself, Nose. Maybe with some shelter."
Nez chuckled, settling down on his heels near his friend.
"No matter where we settle, we have to BUILD our shelter first, Tanyel,"
he said logically, getting only a tongue stuck out at him for his pains.
He squinted across the constantly moving water to where the raft had grounded.
He could just make out figures moving, just barely catch the sounds of
their talking and laughter as it drifted towards them. He could make out
Auiriath's broad shoulders, bending against the pole as he shoved the raft
off the shore, Lord Meiron's cap of white-blond hair, a brief glimpse of
the sunset-red hair of Fiellys, and his mother's very tall, slender figure.
"What's that noise?" asked Kela, coming up behind Nez.
There was a faint sound, a soft roaring that seemed to come from everywhere
and nowhere at once. Nez unfolded himself and rose, shading his eyes and
looking upriver.
"I don't know, Cuz," he replied. The roaring grew louder,
bringing the first batch of elves back towards the shore in confusion.
**What is it?** asked Natalya, coming forward with her
son.
Nez lifted himself up on his toes and called to Auiriath,
**What is it?**
**FLOOD!** cried Auiriath, shoving the rudder with all
his strength, sending the raft careening wildly to one side. The roaring
grew louder, and now everyone could see what appeared to be a solid wall
of water, rushing downriver directly at the raft. Nez felt his heart leap
into his throat. Auiriath was trying to turn the raft, but the flood was
coming too fast. There was no way he could outdistance it.
"No! Oh, no!" the cry seemed to come from all directions
at once. Nez himself wasn't at all sure what happened. He leaped forward,
desperate to reach Fiellys. Strong arms grabbed hold of his waist, pulling
him away from the surge of water.
"Let me go!" he screamed, plunging into the raging river.
**Let me go!** He felt the pull of the current, heard other screams and
cries of anguish, saw one last flash of the sun on the raft, then something
dragged him bodily out of danger before he was taken away by the crashing
water. **Fiellys!**
**Nez!** her call, very faint, and then it was gone. Nez
collapsed to the ground, his legs wet to the hips. He didn't even question
how he had been pulled back out of the river. For several heartbeats, his
mind was completely blank.
"Nez," said Tanyel's voice, very close beside him. Of
course, Tanyel had done it. Kela was too small to have pulled his larger
cousin out of the strong current. "Nez, come on." Tanyel helped the musician
to his feet. "It's over."
Nez lifted his head slowly, blinking at Tanyel. **Kela?**
he asked, turning his eyes toward the river.
Tanyel took a deep breath. "Doji was on that raft, too,
Nez," he said in a brutally honest tone. "I don't think he tried to swim
in after her, though. He's a little smarter than that."
**Somebody went in,** sent Nez, still staring at the water.
**I heard...a splash. A scream.** He turned back to Tanyel and gripped
his friend's arms. **Who?**
Tanyel loosened Nez's grip, wincing a little. "I don't
know how many, Nez...I saw Natalya...she went after Meiron. Tyaar held
back Mikail. Keldira, too, I think it must have been -- Wyn and Havrin
went crazy. High Ones alone know how many others. I think Morli, but I'm
not sure."
Nez turned away, brushing the heavy wave of bangs off
his forehead. Morli? Doji? Oh, no...poor Kela. And Crystel! She and Morli
had been lovers. Natalya? Fiellys would be crushed. She adored Natalya.
Slowly, it occurred to him that the wet ground was soaking through the
seat of his breeches, and he looked up at Tanyel. **How long have I been
sitting here, Tanyel?** he asked.
"Not long," said Tanyel. "But you didn't hear me the first
few times I called. Listen, Nose, get up. There's going to be a search
downriver. I'm going out with them. Come on." He tugged Nez to his feet
and led him to where the others had begun hanging up tarps. Nez allowed
himself to be taken, watching but not comprehending the tears of his friends.
Gentle hands took him from Tanyel.
"Come on, Cousin," said Vayree's voice. "Sit down, dear.
Thank you, Tanyel."
"He's soaked. He tried to go in after her."
Vayree nodded as Tanyel hurried off with the rest of the
hunters and gliders who were headed downriver to see if any trace of the
raft could be found. "Come, dear, let's get you out of those wet things,"
said Vayree. Nez dropped to the blanket, collapsing with his long limbs
splayed out in a spidery sort of way. Across the camp, he saw Silara gently
helping Crystel to a seated position. Crystel looked as though someone
had struck her. The usually vibrant, bright eyes were stark and blank,
and her lips were white. Nez looked around the circle. Cuendee looked pale,
and there were tears on her cheeks. Mikail's eyes were as wide as a child's,
and Nalkor was standing beside him, his arm around his soul-brother's shoulders
in a tight embrace. So many tear-filled eyes, so many blank, glassy stares.
Nez opened his own hands and stared at them. Something
had scratched the palm of his left hand, leaving it scraped and bloody.
He didn't remember, but he might have fallen on it.
Vayree unstrapped his pack and handed him his gitar, which
had also been on his back. "Everything's wet, I'm afraid," she said. Nez
took the gitar from her and cradled it close, then laid it on the blanket
in front of him.
**Hand me that pack, could you?** he asked, reached out
towards her. The heavy leather was wet, but it had been high enough up
on his back that everything inside of it had escaped water damage. A wry
smile crossed his face. **I thought so. These are Fiellys' things.** He
unbuttoned the flap and opened it.
"Nothing of yours?" asked Vayree, sitting gracefully beside
him and touching his arm.
Nez pulled out a green scalloped skirt and matching blouse,
a long, dark green sash and a pair of dancing slippers. **A couple more
blouses and another skirt,** he sent, up-ending the pouch. **She must have
grabbed my pack this morning. I think she'll fare better, overall. She
can wear my clothes, but hers are too small for me. I'd feel a little silly
in a dancing skirt, anyway.** He picked up the sash and stroked it absently.
Vayree squeezed his hand, murmuring something comforting.
Nez lifted his wide eyes to search Vayree's face. So calm,
so unruffled... there was pain in her eyes, but not like the blankness
of Crystel's face, or the sheer devistation that he felt in himself. **Eylar's
with you, isn't he?** he asked bluntly.
"Yes, dear, and so is Nalkor," answered Vayree softly.
"I was also blessed with you and my brother. That's why I'm helping here,
no matter the friends I've lost. But you mustn't take on so, dear--we'll
find them."
Nez felt a twinge of guilt. Of course, they'd be found.
But if not... his entire family was gone, washed downriver in a flood that
swept from him parents, siblings, and lifemate. Vayree gathered him into
her arms and smoothed his straight, blood-red hair, but Nez couldn't cry.
Vayree seemed to catch the run of his thoughts, for she
lifted his face and looked deeply into his eyes. **They're not all gone,
my dear,** she sent, then motioned to a tall, sharp-faced elf with flowing
sunset-red hair...so like his twin sister's. **Lest is with us, as is Attai.
You must believe that the raft will be found, cousin. Don't despair, dear.**
Nez shook himself free of her and rose slowly to his feet.
Despair? No, he wasn't ready to despair. Fiellys was alive--that much he
knew. He and Fiellys were bonded, soul to soul, the way Betirai had taught
them to be. And of course the others MUST be; Auiriath wouldn't let a little
thing like a flood kill HIM! His daughter was just like him.
Nez remembered the negligent wave of his mother's hand
as she explained the way their people were, the ways that the Firstcomers
had been bonded. "A bonding of lifemates is something stronger, something
deeper. These children today, they don't know or understand the concepts.
Ah, how quickly we've lost it!" Betirai had said, shaking her head. "But
listen to me. Lifemating is termed that for a reason. And it is very, very
serious when laid up against our lives. Lifemate means for life, not the
life of one's physical body, but the life of one's soul. And that means
forever. The physical body was chosen by our kind because of the pleasures
it brings us. So your physical body should not be limited in the pleasures
it wants to seek. Lovers, lovemates, touching, closeness; all of that is
important to bring physical pleasure. We also chose physical risk. It makes
life more interesting, more exciting, to flirt with danger. But when the
form is gone, when the physical ceases, then the soul continues, for that
is all that we are. And when you bond that soul-to-soul with another, that
bond is stronger than anything...it is like the bond that ties all of us
to the Shell."
She'd gone on to explain that when one of a pair-bonded
lifemates died, its soul was bound to stay with the other until both were
freed to go to the Shell. Fiellys was no longer with him, so therefore
her physical body must still live. Nez felt himself slowly coming out of
his initial shock, and began to wish he had gone out with the hunters to
find the raft. He was aware of Vayree coming up behind him, and turned
his head slightly.
**I think we'll know one way or another by morning,**
he sent. **Fiellys is alive. Since she is, it's reasonable to assume that
others are, too.** He paused, then started walking towards the river, gleaming
slightly in the last light of the sunset. Clouds were gathering upriver
-- no doubt the storm that had caused the flood. **Don't worry about me,
Vayree. I'll be all right.**
The storm came and produced a few more sudden floods,
but nothing so frightening as the first one. Nez had been dragged in out
of the rain by Tanyel, who was evasive about the results of the search,
but everyone was dejected.
"Tyaar said we'd camp here a few more days," said Tanyel,
sitting beside Nez under a dripping tarp. Nez was poking at the cold fish
that lay on his plate, and staring unseeing at some point past the edge
of the camp. "Hey! Wake up, Nose," said Tanyel suddenly, poking his friend
in the ribs. Nez started and turned to stare at Tanyel. Tanyel frowned,
shaking Nez vigorously. "Listen, buddy, they're gone. We didn't find a
trace of anything. Even if they survived, the raft was carried so far downriver
we'll may never see each other again, get it?"
Nez blinked, and removed Tanyel's hands from his shoulders.
**I know, Tan. I know.** He gestured at the river. **Water like that, it's
like the ocean. Never gives up the dead. What it took, it's taken for keeps.
I don't know if I'm happy that Fiellys is alive or sorry that she is. As
long as she or I live now, we will be separate. If she were dead, at least
we'd be together.**
Tanyel looked at Nez as though he were insane. "I never
gave a lot to that stuff Betirai told you two, Nez," he said. "Whether
or not it's true, I can't just sit around and let you wallow in misery."
**I don't plan on it, Tan,** said Nez. He smiled wanly
at his friend, then dropped his head down onto his knees, burying his face
in his arms. **But it's not going to be easy learning how to get along.
Give me a little time, Tanyel, please. Just give me a little time.**
Tanyel bit back the reply he wanted to make and leaned
back, watching the rain. Nez lifted his head slightly and stared across
the camp at Crystel, who was sitting between Lyris and Silara. Her lovely
face was still blank and expressionless. In the days since the flood, she
had grown more and more sickly, constantly being supervised by Tascha,
and rarely out of the company of Silara and Lyris. Morli's death had struck
her very hard, so hard, in fact, that she seemed wholly unaware of their
present situation. Crystel had been one of Fiellys' dancing friends and
Morli Nez's cousin, so Nez had cared for both in an abstract way. He wasn't
prepared to analyze precisely why Crystel herself had started to dominate
his thoughts. There was something about the sorrow on her pretty face that
touched him. And feeling the way he did right now, that touch had gotten
deep into his soul. He put his face back in his arms. Too many emotions...
they crowded in on him like a flock of hungry seabirds after a successful
netting. *** *** ***
Nez woke up suddenly, something inside of him informing
him that it was just before dawn. Everyone else was sleeping, and the storm
had passed. The sky was frosty clear, with the stars beginning to fade
before a smear of pale sunlight. Nez looked over the sleeping elves. Except
for some movement from the edge of the circle where the watch was posted,
no one was about at this time. Still, Nez had the feeling that someone
was missing... where was Crystel? Nez unfolded himself silently and looked
around, seeing nothing but trees and the endless movement of the dark,
muddy river. Careful not to wake anyone, he set off with quick strides
towards the river.
It occurred to him that he should have told the watch
or SOMEONE before running off alone, followed by the realization that his
usually sharp mind had been next to useless in the last few days. Nez stopped
walking and stood at the riverbank. Today was the day that they'd leave
the river that had changed their lives, and travel south to who knew what
kind of life. Where was Fiellys and the rest of their people? Had they
tried to come back upriver? Or had they been taken so far away that to
do so would be foolish? They had searched for days, waiting for some sign,
but nothing had come. There was no way to track, the searchers said, past
a narrow gorge that the river ran through. So Tyaar had made the hard decision
to call off the search. The ache that had started with that wall of water
had solidified for all of them, and the entire group seemed subdued and
lonely. Last night they'd tried some entertainment, but it had all fallen
flat.
Nez walked slowly downriver, humming softly a song that
they had tried to sing last night. He'd found that his fingers played it
well but his voice wouldn't work--he hadn't been the first to give up,
but his hands had finally faltered as the voices had slowly died out. Nez
dug his hands deeply into his pockets, watching the sun crawl up the sky.
He had stopped beside an enormous willow tree with roots that reached into
the water like a wild tangle of yarn. On the bank, they bent into gnarled
seats, and Nez settled onto one of them, leaning against the wide trunk.
The weeping fronds swept the air in front of him, turning the dancing light
green as it reflected on the water. A tremendous silence filled Nez, and
for the first time in a while he felt comforted. Despite what had happened,
he would miss this river--it called to him in some mysterious way, making
him yearn to traverse it, learn its secrets.
Nez shook himself out of his reverie, remembering why
he had wandered out here. Where was Crystel? He pulled himself out of the
cradle of roots and picked his way back to the soft shore, then noticed
something caught by the roots that the water trailed through. Nez threw
himself across the support of the tough willow and reached down into the
water, tugging at the muddy cloth. Cloth? Nez pulled harder, then recoiled
in terror as it pulled free. The river tugged it away from him, and Nez
fell back against the tree trunk, staring with wide-eyed horror as the
river reclaimed what it had taken.
In a panic, Nez began stumbling back to the camp when
he heard music. Music that was haunting and clear, familiar in only a vague
sort of way. Panting, Nez crept through the bush and parted the leaves.
Crystel sat alone in a tiny clearing, bent over Morli's kitar. Her face
was wrapped up in what she played, holding onto the instrument alternately
as though a life-line or a child; her fingers danced on the strings, and
each note touched Nez's aching spirit like a frightened tear. He froze,
staring at her, and in that moment he knew he loved her.
It came with the same simplicity that his love for Fiellys
had come. Instantly, and without question, he accepted it. But this wasn't
Fiellys. There was a pain in her that could not be salved easily...and
in the wake of dawning emotion came the cool sea of reason. He couldn't
simply ask her to be his lifemate, and win through persistence, as he had
with Fiellys. No...
The music ended, making the ache in Nez's spirit hurt
more. Crystel dropped her head to the kitar's soundbox, her shoulders shaking
silently. With as much caution as he could muster, Nez backed out of the
brush and slid silently away from her hiding place, knowing instinctively
that his presence would only disturb her more.
He ran into Tanyel as he came out of the wood, almost
knocking the younger elf over in his hurry. "There you are!" scolded Tanyel.
"I was about ready to send out a search party for you. Silara is already
combing the woods for Crystel--have you seen her?"
Nez gripped Tanyel's arm and sent, **Tanyel, I saw something
in the river this morning. Did any of you check the roots of that huge
willow tree down there?**
"No," said Tanyel. "Was it anything important?"
Nez's head bowed, and he began to Project, a lock-sending
for Tanyel alone. He'd seen the muddy cloth being pulled through the roots
by the water, and reached for it out of curiosity. One of the packs, maybe?
It was heavy, though, perhaps from water-weight...he pulled, and then the
thing twisted, and came up out of the water. A pale, thin arm, and a four
fingered hand... Both Tanyel and Nez recoiled in horror this time, one
in the Projection and the other as he saw what his friend had.
Tanyel closed his eyes and turned his head. "I wonder
who..." he started, but couldn't finish. "Are you all right?" he asked
then, touching Nez's arm.
Nez looked over his shoulder at the river, then shivered.
**The sooner we leave here, the better,** he answered, and swallowed the
lump that rose in his throat. **For all of us.**
"I couldn't agree with you more," answered Tanyel. He
put his arm around Nez's shoulder, and the two of them walked slowly back
to the camp.
THE END